I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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