I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
