and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
