Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
