oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
