can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
