I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
