New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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