I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
