Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize