Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
