I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
