cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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