I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
