i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize