Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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