i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
