another moral hangover. fuck.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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