i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
