I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
