oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
