i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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