so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
