I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
