all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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