there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
