I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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