I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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