You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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