It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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