i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
