I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
