You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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