Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
