yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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