Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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