Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think your dad took our porno
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
