hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize