hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
