that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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