if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
