I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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