I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
