well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
