i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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