You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
