Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
