One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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