she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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