Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
