I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
