i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
