You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm both gender and math confused
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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