i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
