Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
