The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
