Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
