Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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