So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Acid is not a monday night drug
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
