I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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