she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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