You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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