McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
