Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
