I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
