Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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